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Somedays hurt all day

Somedays hurt all day

 

That’s what you must be feeling right now.   How long has it been since we last talked?   Well I’ve been busy.  What about you?  The Internet works both ways you know? 

 

Im doing double duty these days…Supreme law clerk some days, and bottom bitch at the District Attorney’s office on others.  It’s a real title…thats what the other DA’s told me, the ones who were out behind the office smoking, and not letting me play tether-ball, and taking my lunch money.

Bottom Bitch they said…and next week they said I get promoted to BAHL Lickuh.  Im new so I still dont know what these acronyms mean, but it sounds pretty important.

 

Time to Relish my Awesomeness

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Monday…first day of summer school.  Who was it that decided monday was the start of the week.  Monday sucks…cant life wait for Tuesday?  Does monday suck because of Monday, or does Monday suck because everyone wants to start work and school on Monday. 

 

School started tonight…State and Local Government and Arbitration.  Mind is kinda foggy this evening.  Got called on…survived. 

 

Time to pick up the pace

Fired

My interest in Family Law has ended abruptly.  I am no longer a file clerk for that family law firm I worked for before.  I don’t think we ended our working relationship on good terms either.  “I thought” it would be funny to drop a hot load in the coffee pot after they asked me to brew a fresh pot.  “They thought” it was inappropriate to inform them of my prank after they finished all of the coffee. 

“We both thought” it was better if I didn’t come back the following week.

No Fear People…I still work at another law firm…a better law firm.  It pays more, and they have an in house masseuse.  His name is Carl and his office is next to the dumpster behind our office.  Im no stranger to the Tui Na but it is kinda strange that he wears snow boots and his pants around his ankles whenever he gives me a massage. 

I mean…doesn’t he realize it doesn’t snow in Rancho Cucamonga?

Silly Masseuse

Time to Relax

Saturday we hit it pretty hard, so sunday I assumed I was hung over.  Sunday rolled into monday, and monday rolled into tuesday, and being sick sucks.  I called in sick to work, and am not going to class this evening.  Posts will be sparse this week….sorry

TIME TO SLEEP

“I opened the door and this Oompa-Loompa is standing there,”

An Oompa-Loompa? what ever does he mean?  OH…what he means is our guy was dressed in a Carnival Costume,  with his upper body covered in pink body paint and glitter.  He was wearing a large purple top hat, purple cape, and a purple satin shirt. 

The charge…attempted rape.

I dont want to down play the seriousness of crime, but let me list for you the inventory of this oompa-loompa.

nitrous oxide

marijuana

bag full of whips,

chains,

sex toys

handcuffs

And In the trunk of his car they found
it was packed with hay and contained two hula hoops and another whip

Gee…wonder why this stud would have to force himself on someone?

Full article here

P.S. the story isnt exactly clear cut attempted rape…apparently the two know each other and he came over with weed and NOS and they were getting high then he got a little frisky and she ran.  Maybe his plan of getting her high then screwing her would have worked better if he didnt dress like a “trip” gone bad.

Besides…when cant you trust a guy who carries hula-hoops in his car?

Oh yeah…Time to Work

So Im in class again and you know the routine. 

 Lots of Jokes.  Are all of them funny? No.  Are some of them? Yeah.  Are all of them about lawyers? Yes.  Do you see the relevance here? 

Memorize them folks…when you tell me a lawyer joke in the future it better be funny, unless I fail out of law school in which case even the word lawyer will probably make me break out in tears.

But seriously, we all know that there are really only three jokes about lawyers.  The rest are true stories.

Lots of jokes after the break.

Read the rest of this entry »

Beaten

Thank god its over.  January has sucked.

I’m ready for February…The Superbowl, UFC fights, The birthdays of Buffalo Bill, George Washington,  Steve Irwin, Jerry Springer, Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Regan, and Pauly Shore.

January can blow me…so can snow, broken snow-blowers, rolled ankles, shitty ESRI jobs, burnt hands, and criminal law. 

I happen to have in my possession the most craptastic criminal law book ever published.  Do yourself a favor and remove from your reading list this year,

Criminal Law and Procedure: Cases and Materials, 10th, By Boyce, Dripps, and Perkins.

If the TV show Cops is so cool, how can my criminal law book suck so much?  I have yet to read one case involving rednecks, sister in-laws, baby’s momma’s, and over the limit blood alcohol levels.  I can turn on the TV and get all of that in 3 minutes. pffffft.  Whatever.

 P.S.

I wasn’t born in February, but not to brag…I share a birthday with half of the Bee-Gees and Lady Bird Johnson.  Oh yeah…that’s the kind of company I keep.

Office

This is where I sacrifice interrogatories, subpoenas, and lesser Law Clerks. 

Marvel at my 15 inch Overlord Station, and my Chair of Power. 

Office 2

 Those papers on my Desk of Champions were once white, and now they run Yellow with FEAR!

I dare not show you the File Cabinets of Fury.  No, I can tell you are not ready for that. Your stomachs are too weak, and your minds too feeble.  I will save them for a new dawn.

Time to Rule!

Light is so bright

While leaving the office yesterday for lunch I noticed a stroller that was recklessly rolling down a sidewalk headed for the street.  I thought there’s no way that could actually have a baby in it.  Who would let a baby speed down a sidewalk for kicks?  My mind wandered away from the impending doom of the empty stroller as I contemplated where I was going to spend my lunch hour.  Just then I heard “HELP, MY BABY!”  My mind snapped away from the thought of food, and I immediately sprung into action.  Dashing through the parking lot, jumping hedges I dodged traffic made my way to the stroller and dove grabbing the baby just in time, as a semi truck carrying gasoline hit the stroller and ignited its payload.  I managed to crawl to a safe distance holding the baby as the intersection irrupted into a giant fireball. 

The baby was saved, and the woman named the child after me as a reward for my heroic actions.  I explained to her that knowing the child would grow up and become a doctor was enough of a reward.  As I stood up to continue on my lunch break I noticed I had sprained my ankle.  A small price to pay I thought for the opportunity to change someones life.

 So instead of making the Morning News circuits I decided to stay home and ice my ankle, thats probably why you havent heard anything about this yet.  When asked I choose to remain anonomous….you want the truth huh?

Fine I walked out for lunch the sun was bright and I missed a step and rolled my ankle. Happy?

Time to sulk

Dead Horse

In my criminal law class people seem to think so. 

How often can you talk about cross burnings, abortions, sodomy, Gangs, and Drugs before it loses its charm?  About 45 minutes…trust me.  Should I be paying attention right now? Yes, but Im too powerful.  Didnt you hear?  During my first day of work today I got an office…not just any office.  I got a former partners office (frickin huge), but you know, when the windows are THAT big it really makes it hard to concentrate on work. 

I dont want to jump to any conclusions, but I think they just proclaimed me King Law Clerk today.  I’ll post a picture tommorrow…try not to weep into your keyboards…its bad for your computer.

Time to Listen

P.S. These people are still talking…when will they shut up?