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Somedays hurt all day

Somedays hurt all day


That’s what you must be feeling right now.   How long has it been since we last talked?   Well I’ve been busy.  What about you?  The Internet works both ways you know? 


Im doing double duty these days…Supreme law clerk some days, and bottom bitch at the District Attorney’s office on others.  It’s a real title…thats what the other DA’s told me, the ones who were out behind the office smoking, and not letting me play tether-ball, and taking my lunch money.

Bottom Bitch they said…and next week they said I get promoted to BAHL Lickuh.  Im new so I still dont know what these acronyms mean, but it sounds pretty important.


Time to Relish my Awesomeness


The Over the Shoulder


Well it would seem all is not well in Hollywood this evening.  If you recall from the post earlier Mr. Hollywood was attempting to recuse the prosecuting D.A. and the entire District Attorney’s office because they had handed over mountains of confidential information to the directors of Alpha Dog.  Well the Supreme Court in its opinion Tuesday decided that to recuse    

A defendant must identify, and a court must find, some conflict of interest that renders it unlikely defendant will receive a fair trial. The trial court found no such conflict.

 and in Hollywood’s case that means the murder trial is back on.  The brief for those interested can be found here.


In honor of our impending trip to Georgia I thought I would cover some southern culture, and why their culture doesnt translate well to California.


Frog Gigging

People in the South like to eat frogs, but not at a snooty french restaurant…no.  Fresh is the only way to eat bullfrogs…apparently.  You get your “Gig” and your frog sack, and you wade around the swamp and spear as many frogs as you can.  This is all done at night of course, because the idea of that guy coming out of a swamp with a spear and a sack of frogs isnt quite creepy enough as is, but PRESTO if you add the cover of darkness why he’s down right spooky. 

Then you have to skin them, and judging by this picture there seems to be a special tool involved.

 In California, unlike Georgia this isnt exactly a condoned practice, and is in fact mentioned specifically.


SECTION 6880-6885

6883.  Any person may possess any number of live frogs to use in
frog-jumping contests, but if such a frog dies or is killed, it must
be destroyed
as soon as possible, and may not be eaten or otherwise
used for any purpose.

Figures right?  Well did you know that taking frogs by firearm is actually illegal?  I dont think they mean forcing frogs into cages by gunpoint, but thats kinda what I got from the statute.

6854.  It is unlawful to take frogs by the use of firearms of any
caliber or type

I was told once that the lawmower “took” my pet rabbit Jumpers to heaven.  Everything worked out just fine, until I thought it would be a good idea to give Jumpers a playmate in heaven.  I wasnt allowed near the lawnmower for years, and the neighbors never really looked at me the same.


Time to Move on


What is Justice?  It’s difficult to define, but easy to spot, and even easier to see where its lacking.  There are tons of cases out there that suck, and lots of people who should have gotten fat judgment checks, but instead got the shaft.

FYI If you do a search on yahoo images make sure, I mean absolutely sure you do a search with “Getting the Shaft” and NOT “Gettin the shaft.”  Its amazing the kind of nightmares you can create for yourself if you just forget the “G”. 

Louisville & Nashville Railroad Company v. Mottley, 211 U.S. 149 (1908) 

The married couple of E.L. and Annie Mottley, Seriously injured in a train collision in 1871, the Mottleys released their claims against the railroad in exchange for two lifetime railroad passes. When the federal government banned such passes in 1906, the railroad reneged on its deal, and the Mottleys sued in federal court. Their case wound up in the U.S. Supreme Court, which dismissed the case for lack of federal-question jurisdiction. So the Mottleys re-filed in Kentucky state court and won back their passes, only to wind up in the U.S. Supreme Court AGAIN.  This time, the high court ruled on the federal question (i.e., the one that wasn’t important enough to confer federal-question jurisdiction a few years prior) and decided the Mottleys couldn’t have their railroad passes after all.

World-Wide Volkswagen Corp v. Woodson, 444 U.S. 286 (1980)

Robinson family was headed from New York to Arizona in their Audi when a drunk rear-ended them at 75 MPH.  The collision started a fire in the trunk and jammed the doors shut so the wife and two kids couldnt get out.  The arthritic husband traveling in a U-Haul trailer couldnt get them out and the drunk just sat in his car watching everything unfold.  A true badass showed up and kicked holes in the windshield and pulled them all out saving their lives, but not before they were all severely disfigured from the burns.  Heres the shaft, the drunk driver didnt have insurance, so they couldnt recover any money from him, and then they went after the dealer, because of design defects in the car NOPE. Dealer got the car from a distributor, who got the car from another manufacturer, and therefore was independent and could not be sued for defects.  15 years later no justice.

Palsgraf v. Long Island Railroad Co., 162 N.E. 99 (N.Y. 1928

A man was carrying a box of fireworks when he got pushed onto the train by an employee of Long Island Railroad.  That man dropped the box on the tracks which soon exploded knocking over a big luggage scale at the other end of the train station, and onto Mrs. Helen Palsgraf.  Palsgraf was injured and tried to sue the railroad on the part of negligence from the employee.  The court said the likely hood that something like that would happen was so remote that it was unforeseeable, and therefore Palsgraf couldnt recover.

Vosburg v. Putney, 80 Wis. 523, 50 N.W. 403 (Wisc. 1891

A boy  kicked another boy in the shin in Wisconsin. The victim had a previous sledding injury there, and it hurt a lot. The judge said, the prior injury did not matter.  He recovered for the full extent of the injury from the boy who kicked him.

 Peevyhouse v. Garland Coal & Mining Co., 382 P.2d 109 (Okl.1962).

The Peevyhouses entered into a contract to permit Garland to strip mine their farm, provided that Garland would restore the land at the end of the mining. Garland didn’t do so. Held: plaintiffs were only entitled to the diminution of the market value of their land after the strip mining ($300, land in oklahoma), rather than cost of putting the land back like they had contracted for ($25,000 to relevel).  This one is just pisses me off.  If you contract for something you should get it, regardless of the cost. 

Williams v. Georgia, 349 U.S. 375 (1955):

A black guy is convicted of murder and sentenced to die in Georgia by an all-white jury selected via a method that was ruled unconstitutional earlier in Avery v. Georgia (1953). Georgia’s Supreme Court agrees that there was a constitutional defect but refuses to overturn using a shady procedural argument. The Supreme Court says that the decision was wrong and that they could overturn it, but decides to give the Georgia Supreme Court another chance to get it right. On remand, Georgia writes a 3-paragraph “F@*& you Supreme Court” opinion. Supreme Court denies a rehearing and Williams is put to death.

Moore v. Regents of the University of California (51 Cal. 3d 120; 271 Cal. Rptr. 146; 793 P.2d 479.)

 John Moore lived in Seattle and traveled to UCLA medical center when he learned that he had Hairy Cell Leukemia.  The doctors there recommended he have his spleen removed, so they could slow down the disease.  Moore returned to UCLA to have his spleen removed, and then because the doctors told him that his well-being depended on it he must continue regular visits to UCLA for blood work, and other tests.  What Moore did not know was that the doctors had discovered a new cell line in Moore and had patented the cell line.  They needed Moore’s blood and tissue to create the cells.  Moore discovered this after numerous flights from Seattle to UCLA and sued for the costs of the unnecessary trips and for the profits UCLA made on the sale of the cells.  The courts found that Moore had no property rights to his “discarded cells” and therefore no claim.  All this did was make doctors be more open about their interests in treating patients, but poor Moore got nothing.

Painter v. Bannister, 140 N.W.2d 152 (Iowa 1966).

Painter’s wife and daughter were killed in a car crash, so he made arrangements for her parents to take care of his surviving kid while he coped with the loss. A year later he had married and wanted his son back. The court found that the home of Painter would be unstable, unconventional, arty,  and Bohemian.  Painter lost custody of his child because he was a Hippie.  Dude got screwed, but I probably would have decided the same way….hippies…ugh.

United States v. Stanley, 483 U.S. 669

 Soldier was given LSD secretly and involuntary.  Stanley experienced crazy hallucinations, and flashbacks that ruined his marriage.  Stanley tried to sue the Federal Government, but the Supreme Court found that the damage was caused during his military service and he was therefore unable to recover. 

Some of you have heard of 2nd Amendment, but probably most of you haven’t heard of DC v. Heller.  Washington DC has a ban on handguns within the city.  Unconstitutional?  Perhaps.  Today the argument was heard from both sides in front of the Supreme Court of the United States.  In the law circles their called SCOTUS, but I think it sounds a little dirty.  Might as well call them the hairy, sweaty sack of justice.  Can you visualize it? No?….uh yeah….me neither.

Anyway people who are in the know think that SCOTUS will itch on the subject until they make their decision in June, but wont shrink away from taking this head on.  The general consensus is SCOTUS is going to commando it.  This is a crucial issue, and gives SCOTUS a chance to establish the 2nd Amendment as either a militia’s right to bear arms, or a personal right to bear arms.  After listening to the arguments it sounds like cum June everyone will be scratchin to get into a gun store because SCOTUS thinks the right to bear arms is a personal one.  Balls. 

See what I was doing there? oh no?  I was pretty subtle I’ll admit.

Time to Lock and Load

It’s supposed to snow again.  At least that’s what the forecasts say. 

Apparently you cant sue Johnny Mountains, or Dallas Raines for getting the weather forecasts wrong. 

A recipient of a weather forecast cannot, as a reasonable person, rely  upon its accurateness because it is common knowledge that weather forecasts of future conditions are not statements of fact.  It is understood that such predictions are subject to the vagaries of nature and that the caprice of the elements occasionally cause a weatherman’s predictions to go awry.

Connelly v. State of California 84 Cal.Rptr. 257 (Cal.App. 1970)

We cant sue them for getting it wrong, and yet people rely on the weather reports everyday.  I know I wont bask naked unless its higher than 76 degrees with 30% humidity.  My manhood really flourishes in that climate.  I dont want to waste 45 minutes shaving my navel and not be able to “flourish” outside.

And I’m sure there are other “more important” reasons for relying on weather reports, but those reasons can get their own blogs.

Time to Sulk

P.S. Johnny Mountains and Dallas Raines Im not making this stuff up.

Jesus…its finally all gone.  Hangar 24 can legally sell beer to the masses.  The soft opening I told you about the other day was postponed.  The ABC decided that the approval they gave earlier this week was in fact just a joke…Ha Ha.  Its nice to see the State Government has a sense of humor.

We appreciate it I guess?


My interest in Family Law has ended abruptly.  I am no longer a file clerk for that family law firm I worked for before.  I don’t think we ended our working relationship on good terms either.  “I thought” it would be funny to drop a hot load in the coffee pot after they asked me to brew a fresh pot.  “They thought” it was inappropriate to inform them of my prank after they finished all of the coffee. 

“We both thought” it was better if I didn’t come back the following week.

No Fear People…I still work at another law firm…a better law firm.  It pays more, and they have an in house masseuse.  His name is Carl and his office is next to the dumpster behind our office.  Im no stranger to the Tui Na but it is kinda strange that he wears snow boots and his pants around his ankles whenever he gives me a massage. 

I mean…doesn’t he realize it doesn’t snow in Rancho Cucamonga?

Silly Masseuse

Time to Relax


Nothing funny to say.

Today we put down our longtime family friend…Itzy.

17 years old…it was time.  Sad.

You will be missed.

Time to Mourn

Beer Snob

Thursday March 13th is a big day in Redlands, CA.

Hangar 24 Brewery is having their Soft Opening.  From 4:00PM-8:00PM you will be able to sample two beers which are as close to the original heavenly image as I have ever tasted.

Jesus would be proud…I know he told me.

What’s that?  You cant come because your not wearing a shirt?  Don’t worry they’ve thought about that too.

Beer Shirt

Technically this is so you can “taste” the beer not guzzle it, but I assure you no guzzling laws have been enacted in California, so feel free.  More specifically, in the hundreds of thousands of pages of California code guzzle is not used once. 

Keeping with the legal theme there are only 13 reported cases EVER that have the word guzzle in the opinion, and none in California.  I don’t want to scare you dear readers, but make no mistake about it…

The gauntlet has been thrown. 

The challenge begins today.  I will not rest until “guzzle” makes it into a California reported opinion, and hopefully right before or right after the words Hangar 24. 

Ben tells me the wait is finally over…


P.S. Possibly the most innuendo in a title Ive posted to date, and yet a yahoo image search gives me nothing…