Tell me my child.

Forgive me father for I have sinned.  I have a boner, and I am having trouble hiding it.  Let me start from the beginning.


I was leaving work today, eyes hazy, after staring at a computer all day, attempting to get a stupid Thompson-West program installed correctly on a paralegals computer.  As I stumpled out into the bright warm afternoon light I caught a glimpse of the infamous side-boob getting into a car in the parking lot.  I started blinking rapidly in an attempt to get the haze out of my eyes and I took one blink too many because as my pants started to erect the haze lifted and I saw what can only be described as the “Boner Butcher of Rancho Cucamonga.”  Armpit hair. 

My mouth went dry, my stomach felt queasy, and I a wave of disgust flowed over me.  

Never have I witnessed such a grotesque tradition of Europeans.  Armpit hair is actually worse than being European…if you can believe that. 

As I was driving to school I couldnt help but get that side boob out of my mind.  The more I thought about it the more the armpit hair faded into the obscurity while the side boob remained planted in my mind.  As I sat in class thinking about the side boob suddenly the armpit hair was no longer there.  I had managed to turn a grotesque image into a parking log fantasy in under an hour.  A true demonstration of my sexual prowess…or low standards.  Take your pick.


Time to be male…and awesome.