Ladies are on their way to “Whales Vagina” today.  Based on the picture above it’s not nearly as exciting as one would imagine….wait what?…yeah I never gave it much thought either…

Well when the mice are away the cats will…sleep…that doesn’t sound right does it?  When the cats away the mice will eat trash and crap in the corner….yeah that sounds better.  The ladies are gone so were gonna eat trash and crap in the corner…why does that not sound like fun?  Why do people use that expression anyway?  I mean we know it happens sometimes, but that’s not usually the main goal of the night.  Eating trash and crapping in the corner is usually the result of an awesome night that you just pushed a little to far. 

Cleaning up crap from the carpet on Sunday can almost always be avoided.  When the night starts to reach the end here are a couple of things to keep an eye out for:

Unfinished Beers– As soon as people start opening beers and only drinking half, before getting another one, or being offered another one and taking it, your night has started to turn downhill.  Nobody whos in a good place intentionally leaves a drink half finished…its just bad manners, and thats the person who’s going to puke first…if your lucky.  If your unlucky he’s just going to keep drinking half a beer at a time, all night, until he thinks your corner is one of those urinals that reach all the way to the floor.

Fewer Articles of Clothing-If you, or anyone with you can only account for fewer articles of clothing then when you started the night it’s time to call it, before someone ends up naked.  Nudity could be the beginning of something magical, but almost always is a dark omen of things to come.  Fantasies about girlsstripping down and wrestling in your living room are just that, a fantasy.  What you should expect is in fact much more terrifying.  Before you start the night take a look around…who’s the last person you would want to see naked?  Yep…thats the guy who’s actually going to get naked.  Put money on it.

If The Music Sounds Too Loud– It probably is, and that means your talking even louder to try and hear the person next to you.  What this should tellyou is there is a breakdown in communication among your friends.  This can lead to terrible results such as; answering questions you haven’t really heard. First someone asks you if you mind that he invited over his “frat” friends, and you say yes because all you heard him say was he invited over some “fat” friends.  Your party buddy could be, but probably is not, a chubby chaser, and he would never admit it to you anyway, so if the question sounds suspicious…just say no.

Tequila + Anything- Equals a bad move.  The minute someone offers you a drink out of the blue that has any parts of tequila or any other alcohol from behind the bar that’s gathering dust..ask them to close your tab.  This will save you a lot of trouble later, because, if your smart…your going home, but if your not…you might make it home with your credit card.  A minor victory I assure you because once the tequila pours, your dignity, self respect, public image, and usually your clothing dont end up leaving the bar that night…even if at some point you do.

Going For a Drive-No sober person decides to get in a car at 4:00AM and go for a drive…that should tell you something.  You are not sober.  In fact no sober person decides to drive, fly, steer, push, pull, ride, or tow anything with a motor.  Miss Daisy wouldn’t be on the road after midnight, and neither should you.  People who are drinking, are out after midnight, everyone else is sleeping…except people who work graveyard, and that includes the police.  The minute someone “has a good idea,” and it involves things that roll think about going to bed…immediately.


Hopefully this should guide you through the weekend.  Now, I actually think there are times when the fun can outweigh the shame of cleaning crap off the carpet, but those are times when your mixing tequila with rumplemintz, running around with no shirt on, answering yes to anything anyone asks, stealing the neighbors BigWheel, and opening a new beer before you finish your tequila.  Only at that time can you make that decision.



Time to Decide