I had an appointment today to see my professor and talk about my Contracts final.  Guess who didn’t show?  Me….just kidding.  It was him, he’s the bastard that didn’t show.  I was there…early…well on time anyway.

Next time I see him I’ll make sure I tort his ass.  Yeah I did it…I used tort as a verb.  It does sound a little gay doesn’t it?  I’m not going to bake fruit pastries on his ass, no…it means a civil wrong. (assault, battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress, false imprisonment, etc…)  Dont take notes on this.

You can commit a tort, but you cannot tort someone.  A tort can be committed on you, but you can not be tort-ted….get the jist?  Spell-check tells me “jist” isn’t a word, but apparently this word is…

 Go on click it…you know you want to.   Click Click Click

Jizz is a real word, and no it is not short for jizzum.

The oxford english dictionary (OED for those hip librarians) gives examples of the first time jizz was used in print….this stuff is hilarious

1922 A West Coast Irishman was familiar with the wild creatures which dwelt on or visited his rocks and shores; at a glance he could name them, usually correctly, but if asked how he knew them would reply ‘By their “jizz”.’ What is jizz?..We have not coined it, but how wide its use in Ireland is we cannot say… Jizz may be applied to or possessed by any animate and some inanimate objects, yet we cannot clearly define it. A single character may supply it, or it may be the combination of many. Ibid. 143 Jizz, of course, is not confined to birds. The small mammal and the plant alike have jizz.

1950 Miss Quick obviously looks at her birds more than once and does so with an artist’s eye for those peculiarities of shape, outline and stance which give a species its ‘jizz’.

1960  The boy could name any bat at a glance..(an indefinable accomplishment which the late T. A. Coward..once described as ‘jizz’ when speaking of bird identification).

1966  I know only too well the problem of trying to express what there is in a plant that enables me, or you, to tell it from another at sight. The word I use for these intangible characteristics, that defy being put into words, is jizz.

That entire thing is comedy gold. 

The definition of jizz: 

The characteristic impression given by an animal or plant. 

(If you type Jizz in the yahoo picture search you get a much different definition) Promise